Vignette #5 – or – Why I’m Not Actually That Cool.

The curtain rises on a group of people exiting an upper floor apartment. JAMIE is in the middle of the pack of raucous, early-twenties, intoxicated men and women. He is chatting casually with a pretty, young, blond woman, C.

JAMIE: Do you know where we’re going?

C: Nope.

JAMIE and C begin down the staircase. Excitement fuels a quickened pace and they race down the stairs. 

JAMIE (shouting back): Come on! Hurry up!

C (Enthusiastically): RACE YOU TO THE BOTTOM!

The race begins in earnest with jostling for position. JAMIE underhandedly uses his size advantage to stop C from taking the inside track. 

CELIA: You can’t block the whole stairway!

JAMIE: Watch me!

For unknown reasons, but certainly not from intoxication, JAMIE picks C up and throws her over his shoulder, and begins running down the staircase again.

C: OH MY GOD! Put me down! Everyone can see UP MY DRESS!

JAMIE: There’s no one in front of us and I’m not going to drop you. (Not realizing that they are in the midst of a crowd and people likely can see up her dress). 

C: Put me down!!!!!

Having arrived at the bottom of the stairs and attempting to be cooler than he is JAMIE attempts an acrobatic behind the back and around the side technique for putting C down, but mid-maneuver he loses control and drops her on the floor. He manages to protect her head but her ass hits the ground and it sounds hard. Panic sets in.

JAMIE: Oh my God. Are you alright? I’m so sorry.

It is evident that JAMIE’S heart is racing with sheer terror that he may have severely hurt Ca person he does not know well.

C: Yeah, I’m fine. I can’t believe you dropped me!

C retains her composure and begins laughing incredulously at the buffoonery. 

JAMIE: I’m so sorry. That’s literally never happened before.



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